(First off…sorry about vanishing. I’m just out of bed from having the flu. My apologies.)

Have you noticed sexual paranoia today? No? I’m surprised. Yes? If you’re living in the States, I’m not shocked in the least.

I’m fearful for folk in the US these days. With our present regime (I will not glorify this administration with the term “elected officials”), it’s becoming very hard to find out any useful sexual information. There is a lot- A LOT- of anecdotal evidence and scaremongering on the Inter-webs about sex, and not a lot of solid meat to chew on.

I also feel that most of the weight of birth control and STD control falls unduly on the shoulders of women. Mind you, I’m not saying that men should take all the pressure, and we women none. What I am saying is that I’m seeing more info pop up under Cosmo-variety magazines than Details. Funny, that.

For instance, a search of the terms “pregnancy pre cum” yields a top result from WikiAnswers.com…where “answers from this site come from users like you”. Great. Just great. Whereas the ever useful and highly-recommended MedHelp Forums gets pushed to about halfway down the page. I have to say that, even there, the help was highly anecdotal.

Just so you can get a peek at the quality of the answers:

WikiAnswers:

Answer:

As quoted from “http://www.faqfarm.com/Q/Can_you_get_pregnant_from_preseminal_fluid”

” http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=12286905

1: Contracept Technol Update. 1993 Oct;14(10):154-6. Related Articles, Links

Researchers find no sperm in pre-ejaculate fluid.

[No authors listed]

PIP: A study in Boston, Massachusetts, and another study in New York City examined samples of pre ejaculate fluid from HIV seropositive and HIV seronegative men to determine whether HIV was or was not present in pre ejaculate fluid. The researchers found macrophages and CD4 lymphocytes in most samples, indicating that HIV was present. The more significant finding, however, was that most pre ejaculate samples did not contain any sperm and those that did had only small clumps of a very small amount of sperm which seemed to be immobile. A larger study is needed to verify these results. If these results are confirmed, they may dispel the myth that pre ejaculate fluid contains sperm. An ongoing WHO/USAID study shows that the pregnancy rate caused by men with 3 million sperm/ml/ejaculation is very low; fertility clinics consider men with a sperm count of no more than 5 million/ml to be infertile, particularly if is there is low motility. The average ejaculation has about 100 million sperm/ml, but about 10 million sperm pass through the cervical mucus, about 1 million make it to the top of the uterine tract, and just about 100,000 sperm reach the fallopian tubes. Thus, only a couple of sperm, assuming motility, would reach the fallopian tubes in the case of the pre ejaculate samples with some sperm, which tended to be immobile (sperm levels only in the 1000s). Thus, the probability of pregnancy is very love if pre-ejaculate fluid enters the vagina. Pre-ejaculate fluid of 6 of the 9 HIV seropositive donors in Boston and 6 of the 14 HIV seropositive donors in New York contained HIV, regardless of symptom status or antiretroviral therapy status. Thus, the risk of HIV transmission may be higher than unplanned pregnancy, so people should use condoms before the penis enters the vagina, mouth, or anus.

PMID: 12286905 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Journal of Assisted Reproduction Genetics, 2003 Apr;20(4):157-9. Zukerman asked “Does preejaculatory penile secretion originating from Cowper’s gland contain sperm?” - conclusion: “Preejaculatory fluid secreted at the tip of the urethra from Cowper’s gland during sexual stimulation did not contain sperm and therefore cannot be responsible for pregnancies during coitus interruptus.”

Here’s another two studies that were studying the HIV viral load in pre-ejaculate and incidentally showed that there isn’t sperm:

Ilaria G, Jacobs JL, Polsky B, Koll B, Baron P, MacLow C, Armstrong D, Schlegel PN. Detection of HIV-1 DNA sequences in pre-ejaculatory fluid. Lancet 1992;340:1469.

Pudney J, Oneta M, Mayer K, Seage G, Anderson D. Pre-ejaculatory fluid as potential vector for sexual transmission of HIV-1. Lancet 1992;340:1470.

Links: http://www.livejournal.com/community/vaginapagina/5007778.htmlhttp://www.livejournal.com/community/vaginapagina/4887539.htmlhttp://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/carnal/qas/0,638353_615777,00.html http://www.sexualhealth.com/question.php?Action=read&question_id=7509&channel=2&topic=33 ”

What these scientific findings suggest is that precum either does NOT contain sperm AT ALL, or that there is so little that the chances of pregnancy are very VERY low. The chances are not eliminated but they are so low that becoming pregnant from pre-cum easily becomes urban myth.

Also remember, if the man has ejaculated before you have intercourse again, the chances are increased for conception because semen will still be left within the penis itself and further along the male reproductive organ.

Obviously, use contraception and if you miss a period or have signs of pregnancy get tested and find out.

Don’t forget your common sense in light of science (e.g. use contraception, always, and every time!). More importantly, don’t use other’s common sense in place of science (e.g. people think scaring you will make you use contraception and/or stop having sex. Psychology tells us punishment (scaring you) is one of the least effective ways to stop you and change your future behavior - from a behavior stand-point that is. Only you can stop yourself in the end, and only you can discipline yourself. With your actions you will reap your own rewards. Think smart, plan ahead, and act smart.)

Answer:

I had sex one time in a nine month span…. he pulled out and actually had to finish off himself for a few seconds to ejaculate…. all that got in me was precum and I am now 11 weeks pregnant….. if you dont want it, dont risk it

Answer:

I have been having monogamous sex with the same partner for 9 years using the withdrawal method, and we haven’t got pregnant using it. EVER. I have had 2 children with him, as well, without withdrawing, because we were ready. Why are some websites trying to scare women? Just state the facts people, not your “beliefs”.

Answer:

The statistic is that a woman will get pregnant within a year of using the pull out method. Precum has sperm in it. There is a risk for pregnancy, use protection if you don’t want a baby.

I found useful info at Go Ask Alice, which is maintained by Columbia University. That site is really clean, to the point, and real.

Most sites are written towards giving advice to girls and women. This gives the idea that protection isn’t a cooperative effort between all parties involved. Also, if something untoward happens, who gets the blame? All together now…

It’s really not a huge mystery as to why four in ten women will have sexual issues during their lives. Would YOU be whooping it up if you were told that the fate of all concerned parties rests on your shoulders? Does sex seem like such a great deal when it still seems that women are called sluts and tramps for wanting to enjoy themselves equally, sharing responsibility and consequences with their partners?

Rebounding to fundamentalist principles about sexuality is not the way to go. Womanhood had always been defined as the womb’s value, and the ability of society to dictate what we can and can’t do with it (beyond abortion). Witness the present tittering and tattering about working women vs. stay-at-homes that has graced our newspaper pages, and the emergence of virginity as a sort of new accessory, much like the hallowed Birkin bag.

The only way out of this moral morass that we find ourselves in is through just admitting that:

1. Yes, we mostly all like sex.
2. Bad things can happen from it at times, but not usually. In other words, you will not get pregnant if a guy touches your pubic hair with a finger that has cum on it. You have more of a chance of dying in a double decker bus accident in the middle of Livingston, NJ while Hoffa walks out the ShopRite with some hot matzoh ball soup.
3. Both parties need to take care of themselves, which means that they take care of each other. Wow! Personal responsibility!

If we think in terms of caring for ourselves and furnishing the things that we need to be comfortable and intimate, then the problem is solved. There. Finished.

PS: For those that think that fear is the best way to teach kids…well, sure. Look at that approach’s success rate re: the War on Drugs, Terruh, rock music…didn’t work then, and it ain’t workin’ now. I think that you can see that the whole fear thing probably just makes things look all the more yummy. Truth is the way to go, not embellishment and hyperbole. Worked for me, and worked for my friends, too.

In the course of my personal development journey on the Net, I’ve read many blogs and websites by other PD writers. They kinda, well, piss me off sometimes. A lot. With great force. Don’t get me wrong- I respect people’s viewpoints, and many times their advice is excellent. However, what they end up missing is the human factor. Many times, these gurus lack simple compassion and empathy.

On the Steve Pavlina boards, there are many PD writers, life coaches, and other professionals that post. It’s excellent; I highly recommend that you take a look at what’s going on over there. Many times, their thoughts and advice are on-point, thought-provoking, and honest.

A recent incident, however, made me stop and wonder where things went wrong.

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I’ve realized lately that it’s completely possible to live in a state of non-existence. This isn’t some sort of allegorical statement- it was my reality. My reality. Due to continued mental and emotional abuse, I’ve lived half a life for nearly 29 years.

Do you know how it feels to be jarred into full and total reality? Are there words for realizing how much work is ahead of you, since you don’t even know what you truly enjoy in life? Is there a way to sum up a history of wounds, confusion, and disgust?

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While playing around with the word “Gold-digger” on Technorati last night, I stumbled upon the following blog entry. A fresh search today yielded about 5 additional blogs with the same list, and I didn’t have the heart to count the rest. All of the blogs hosting the list are owned by young Black men and women. At first, I didn’t take it seriously, and hoped that it was just someone’s bad idea for a joke. However, the replies I saw disproved my theory, as you’ll see in a future entry.

People actually chose and rated themselves based on this list. For real. Seriously. In earnest.

There seemed to be a universal agreement that this is the way things are, and that it was okay for women to be categorized by severe, hateful values that separate females into virgins and whores. To be exact, 25% virgins, 75% whores.

I’m just going to go down the list and comment on the different points. Get comfortable…it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

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